ur waifu is shit.

Ask awayyyyyy!!!! :3SubmitArchive

Girlfriend of 3 years
Her: Comes home from work one day, asks why I am home early
Me: I lie and tell her I have felt dizzy and had to come home, but I am actually on sick leave for diarrhea
Her: Has bad day, wants to have sex
Me: Excited for sex
Her: Walks me into bedroom
Me: Try to hide the brown stain upon my rear
Her: Does not notice, gets undressed
Me: Remove my t-shirt, penis gets erect
Her: Lays down on the bed, spreads her legs
Me: Go down on her
Her: Moans quitely
Its time to enter her
Me: Says its time to enter you
Her: Giggles
Me: Remove my pants, throw them on the floor, enter her
Her: Starts to moan louder this time
Me: Feel her vaginal muscles tighten
Her: Turns her head in sheer pleasure
Me: See her eyes tighten upon my brown stained pants, look her directly in the eye
Her: Looks quizzically back at me, peers in to my very soul
Me: Eyes begin to get dry
Her: still staring at me
Me: slowly pull out
Me: Begin to get flaccid
Her: YOU SHIT IN YOUR PANTS
Me: Its prune juice
Her: WHAT IS PRUNE JUICE DOING ON YOUR PANTS?
Me: Stares at her, I feel like a deer
Her: Let me taste it
Her: Picks up pants, slowly puts her tongue towards it
Me: Sees the smell hit her like a cargo train doing 200mph
Her: Repells like a snake after attacking, lets out an almighty scream
Me: Get scared like a hare after hearing a gunshot
Me: Feel an almighty flood of watery diarrhea flooding out of my anus
It squirts out like a waterfall
Her: Throws up pasta
Me: Starts screaming
Her: Chases me out of the house
Me: Still gushing shit out of my anus, hear the door slam behind me
Children across the street see me
Me: Scream like a banshee
Me: Run to my car I am not wearing pants
No Key
Diarrhea will not stop
Me: Try to find spare key in the car's compartments
Me: Opens up the glove compartment
Spaghetti
Me: Tries to stop the spaghetti from flowing
Me: Throws up
Me: Closes the compartment
Its seeping through the cracks
Me: Tries to open the door
Door will not open
Me: Smashes the window
Me: Runs down the street
Me: Still screaming
Me: Hides in a bush
Me: Waits till the sun goes down
Me: Leaves the state and never return
She won't answer my calls
What do?
Because your worth the wait..